Search Results for: heart language

“Trust and Obey, Mommy”: Gala’s Story

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trust and obey

Our family had been in Ethiopia for about two weeks one February when we decided to visit the village where we’d soon be living.

My husband John is a water engineer. Our task was to put in a water system for the Tokay area and surrounding villages. We had just begun language school in Addis, so our skills were limited–but we were excited to see the village where we’d live for the next three years, about four hours west. read more

When My Child’s Fluency = My Success

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One benefit of my kids growing up overseas is their rich experience of another culture.  My kids absorb elements of the adopted country in an organic way.  They often see the world with a different perspective from someone–even an adult–who hasn’t left their home country.

I love that my kids have adopted certain aspects from Egypt: They have favorite Egyptian foods. They wash their hands after eating, and believe tissues are reasonable as napkins at the table. My kids know how to say “thank you” to mean “no” if they don’t want something being offered.  I love that three of my kids write and speak some Arabic and understand even more.

But wait, you might say, why just “some Arabic?”  Haven’t your kids been growing up in Egypt?

Shouldn’t they be picking up the language smoothly and effortlessly like the sponges that children are?

Yes, they are sponges when they are immersed in the language or culture full-time.

FLUENCY: The Picture vs. The Reality

The reality for us? We speak mostly English at home.  We attend an English-speaking church.  They attend an English-speaking international school.

When my children were younger they attended a preschool where they were the only non-Egyptians.  We also attended a Sunday school program at a large Arabic church.  We all learned church songs in Arabic and followed the Bible story.

During that season, the kids enjoyed the interactions and even saw friends from soccer-training at church.  Through these interactions, they developed a foundation for Arabic and Egyptian culture.

But just as kids learn quickly, with skills only occasionally used, they also tend to forget quickly.

Now at my kids’ school, they take Arabic class four days per week.  They are reading and writing Arabic.  They are speaking and understanding more all the time.

And they are not at a place of fluency.  Neither am I.

Not Good Enough?

While I would like for my kids to be confident about communicating with locals, our experience so far has not provided for them to regularly be immersed in the language to the point of fluency.

And in that, sometimes I hear the message that maybe I’m not doing a good enough job at this cross-cultural thing.  

In fact, a friend was criticized by a new member of her team who arrived in the country one day…and criticized her the next day. He couldn’t believe her child hadn’t attained fluency.

Reader, let’s not judge our fellow workers.

Let’s offer grace and seek to understand the situation of those on the field before we share criticism or offer instruction.

My Kids = My Success?

We need to remember to see our children as people, not as a marker of how successful we are cross-culturally.

Maybe your situation does not require your children to learn another language. But it’s possible you had expectations (or others had expectations of you) that your children would be immersed in the culture, surrounded by local children, loving their third-culture-kid identity.

Maybe, due to their school options or where you live or what your family needs to do in order to be healthy, those relationships and that cultural identification hasn’t completely happened for your children.

Some children will love learning the language and love speaking with locals.  Some will not.

They may dive head-first into the culture and enjoy making that part of their identity.  They might not.

When it comes to our children, it’s important to give them the tools to thrive, the encouragement to keep trying, and the flexibility and grace to find their place. 

FLUENCY: CHOOSING TO STRETCH THEM

Since I recognize that interactions with the language and locals will not just “magically” happen for my kids, I make certain choices when possible.

When given the opportunity to play tennis with an American coach or an Egyptian coach, I’ll choose the Egyptian Arabic-speaking coach for my kids.  If possible, I will find Arabic tutoring for my kids during summer break so they continue to develop their language skills.

What choices do you have available to get your kids into the local culture and language?  Can they

  • take group lessons–art, swimming, karate, science–with local kids they don’t meet at school?
  • attend a family retreat or camp?
  • participate in a church class for their age group?
  • play with a local adult who speaks the local language and teaches local songs?

This might require extra work from you, parents.  This might require a bit of pushing to get your kids on board.

I don’t think we should push our kids toward fluency beyond what they can reasonably handle. But I do think we make efforts to let our kids experience their host country in a non-touristy, daily-life kind of way.

Why Our Kids’ Adaptation Matters–Beyond Our Egos

The more natural and enjoyable experiences our children have with their host country, the more opportunity for them to identify with parts of the culture.

This creates ownership of the culture that helps to make them an ambassador for the local people of your host culture–becoming a voice about what is good and valuable about a foreign culture, strange and unknown, to their passport culture.

Your kids learn in a more natural way how to relate to different people. Maybe they’ll be able to move through different cultures and become like them in order to save some.

The bottom line: We give our children the opportunity and encouragement (and sometimes a little push) to be involved in the culture and language, learning more about their host country. 

And we don’t use our children’s language or cultural fluency as the marker for our own success.  That’s a part of their story. Not our merit badge.

Sarah serves in Egypt with her husband and four children. You can catch her blog here.

 

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Goodbye Again: Memos from (Another) Transition

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Editor’s note: Anyone serving overseas can relate to the truism of the post below: The life of an expatriate–missionary life included–is filled with farewells. “Goodbye” doesn’t just launch a life overseas. It defines part of this new, transitory existence.

Whether you have yet to say your overseas-bound goodbye or are prepping for more, Rebecca Hopkins can relate.

 

I hand over my gift and fumble at the words.

My friend looks at me, her face stoic, almost nonchalant and it’s hard to know if I’m doing this right.

I should be better at this. How many times have I said “goodbye” over the years?

There were the zillions of moves I made as both a kid and an adult. And here in Indonesia, expats come and go and goodbyes are anticipated or very sudden. But they happen all the time.

I’m moving to another part of Indonesia in a few weeks. And I’m saying goodbye a lot like I’ve lived life here over the years—sitting on the floor of a friend’s house, bouncing back and forth between awkward small talk and serious heart stuff, my kids fighting for space on my lap, knocking over glasses of hot tea onto the wooden planked floor, a light morning rain tapping on the metal roof.

Goodbye, Again

Throughout ten years of visits with friends, I always feel both totally out of my comfort zone and completely in my element.

I guess you could say the same thing about my relationship with moving. Somehow I feel very at home with packing up and starting over. And yet it also makes me feel lost every time I do it.

I wish I could say there is more “good” in all of my goodbyes here. But just like daily life here, they’re a bit messy, confusing, and almost always sweaty.

I go, intending to say the right word of thanks, and hope for some kind of satisfying closure, but usually, it feels like we’re being interrupted. Maybe the friend is in a crisis and I’m not really sure it’ll end up okay. Or I’m still learning how to love well in this culture, in my second language, and I’m pretty sure I’ve left behind a long list of misunderstandings and offenses.

Then I wonder about the stoicism I see. Does the goodbye matter? Do I?

I bet I look stoic sometimes, too. But really, I’m distracted…by my kids hiding in my shoulder so they don’t have their picture taken again, by the sound of the mosque’s call to prayer, or by my own desire to just have this goodbye over with so I can go home and hide, too.

Sometimes I get a text later with more honest feelings and that should feel better. But that just makes me feel sad, too.

That “Lost” Period

I know it’s going to be okay. The next place is exciting and the people are great and the work there is amazing and I need to just get there and move forward and grow roots and a bunch of other cliches that do actually work.

But still…right now I’m in that “lost” period. And I’m wondering if anyone else out there is here with me, too?

One small decision this week helps me. I plan to cut a branch off my plumeria tree—the one my husband gave me for my birthday a few years ago—and take it with me on the plane ride. Then I’ll plant it at my next home.

It seems a little silly and indulgent, especially because the next yard has its own plumeria trees already. But then I remembered how my mom would pack up all her plants and stick them in the back of our station wagon and take them to the next Army post.

Like she knew, too, that taking living things from your last home would help you figure out life in the next one.

Sometimes I need to remember life doesn’t end just because your time in the last place does.

What about here?

But what of my work? I set a date for myself when I’d force myself to pull out of everything. The orphanage. The hospital visits. The neighbor in crisis. And then I keep extending it…then moving it up.

Can’t decide if it’s better to put it off until I’m neck-deep in boxes, for one more visit while I’m just down the road, or just rip off the band-aid. Both sound bad.

And what about my fears? There are people who are coming after us who will never know me here in this place, on this team. What happens to the place I had in this place?

It’s small, I know. I’m small. This island is small.  But me, here in this place for this time, mattered to me.

All the adventure and growth and friendships and faith and pregnancies and flights and prayers and disappointments and doubts and grace—they all mattered to me. What happens to all that?

I know. Some of it goes with me. It changed me, after all, broke me to pieces then healed into something new.

And some of this place will remain. This has been the hardest part for me to believe. But in case you’re going through your own goodbye or bad-bye, I want to remind us both. Just as the relationships matter to us, we mattered to friends, too.

The Hello-Goodbye Circle

One of my childhood tricks for coping with moves was to sagely remind myself that every tear-filled goodbye started with a scared, hope-filled hello and many hellos end up in teary goodbyes.

That sounds like a lot of tears.  But the point is, those goodbyes have to happen so the next hellos can happen so the next goodbyes can happen and I’m starting to wonder how I ever found this comforting.

Sigh.

It seems I’m not in the mood tonight for my own pep talks. But I’ll finish this by asking this: Is there anyone out there saying goodbye, too?

I thought so. Then let’s be a little bit lost in all the goodbyes and hellos together.

 

Rebecca Hopkins (www.rebeccahopkins.org) wants to help people feel heard, seen and welcome.  She spent the first half of her life moving around as an Army kid and the past 14 years trying to grow roots on three different Indonesian islands while her husband took to the skies as a pilot.

She now works in Colorado for Paraclete Mission Group and writes about issues related to non-profit and cross-cultural work. Trained a journalist and shaped by the rich diversity of Indonesia, she loves dialogue, understanding and truths that last longer than her latest address.

 

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When your ministry plans don’t look like you thought

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ministry plans

I thought I had found it.

My niche, my place, my way to reach out and bring others in while living overseas.  I was a young mom of a two-year-old, a four-year-old, and a newborn. At the preschool of my four-year-old, I was getting to know other moms.

I had a growing relationship with a young mom of a toddler who was soaking up our friendship and appreciative of the care and support I was giving her. She was introducing me to her friends who’d ask me questions about babies and parenting and marriage.

Reflecting on encouragement received as part of a mother’s group back in the U.S., I thought I could offer the same to these precious women: a mom’s group where I could encourage them, share truth and love, share hard-won wisdom from experience.

I could do this with my kids, not leaving them behind in the name of my ministry plans.

It seemed perfect.

I told my friend about my idea.  She agreed this was needed.  Her friends were lonely; they weren’t thriving as moms. She loved my perspective on motherhood and knew it would encourage these women.  She would talk to her friends.

I started a private Facebook page to share thoughts and Scripture. Prepared short messages to share with them when they came to my home. Made coffee and tea and cookies and prepared my living room.

And the entire thing fizzled.

MINISTRY PLANS: The Beginning of the End

We tried it for a few weeks.  One or two would come.  Their kids would cry and scream.  One even threw up on our bean bag chair.

The children frazzled their moms. I offered encouragement with a side of coffee.  They were too embarrassed by their children’s behavior to hear me.

My friend and I talked about what was going on.  She said they needed this type of group.  She knew that they needed support and a change of perspective.

But they didn’t want to sit around talking about being a mom.  They wanted to escape from thinking about this.

Basically, they didn’t want what I was offering.

When Your Ministry Plans are a No-Go

I felt discouraged.  I thought I had found the perfect situation to use my passion and stage of life to encourage others, invite them into my home, and speak to their hearts.  Wasn’t I meant to do this?

Disappointed and sad, I wondered if I even had a place.  I wanted so much to see why God had called me here, uprooted me from my home country to figure out life in a huge city in a different language.

If I could just have a ministry, then I could see how it is all worth it.

There was nothing wrong with trying this, but God quickly closed the door.

What didn’t happen

I’d like to tell you that a new door opened immediately, a wide-open door I was able to sail effortlessly through into a lovely field of “productive ministry.”

I wish that were so.

My calling has not panned out quite like that. I think that my life on the field has been one of being faithful with the small things before me.

When the group failed, I had a choice to make.

I could keep trying for what I was passionate to do and what I thought was “just perfect,” or I could let it go and focus on what God was bringing to me. I took my eyes off my project and looked at what was before me.

Two women continued to seek me out.  I chose to invest in those two. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of time and effort that sometimes I didn’t want to do.

Then there were other relationships, one here, one there.  Different faces, different needs, similar efforts.

Over the years there have been various opportunities, unique projects, long-term and short-term relationships.  Sometimes I wish there was a certain “something” I could point to, a specific something with a name and a box it goes in.  Something that’s easy to understand or write about in a newsletter.

The unfortunate fizzle

Dear reader, it’s possible that your ministry plans will fizzle, too. I don’t wish that disappointment on anyone who has left home and father and mother to follow a calling from the Father.
I think these experiences can cause some of us to doubt if we’ve heard our “assignment” correctly.  We can wonder if we are even supposed to be overseas at all.
Should you find yourself in this place, on this path I walked, I pray for you to have the eyes to see when it is time to give that plan up to make room for whatever else might come. 

What comes is not always pretty and not everyone will understand. But if we’re made open for what God will do next, the stripping of our ministry plans is a mercy.

Sometimes the next step is small

And sometimes the “next” is small.  Sometimes the “next” doesn’t seem like much at all.

Do it faithfully.

We are not good judges of what makes something “worth it.”  How do you even measure that accurately?  I am not able to measure this because I don’t know the entire plan.  I don’t know the steps God needs to reach the ultimate goal of His glory in this country.

To say what God has called me to do is insignificant is to say that those lives are insignificant. And I can’t do that.

I had a few different ideas when I set out to make this country my home. (Vision is good to have!) And I built a few different ministry plans as I tried settling in.

But ultimately, I want to do what God sets before me.  He gets to assign the jobs.  I’m a part of His kingdom, after all.

Sarah has served  in the Middle East with her family for over nine years.

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Words: The Gift to Give This Christmas

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words

Words

are

powerful.

With a click of the lock, the creak of the wooden door and the click of my brass mailbox…another card is ready to be picked up.

It doesn’t take long. Ten minutes at most. Each day this month I have committed to send one handwritten card to a different friend.

These aren’t your typical Christmas cards with signature and family picture. I want these cards to be filled with words that speak life to those I care about most.

Words at Christmas

Last year, this mission began with family. I realized the thing we really needed and wanted most from each other is not another gift under the tree but instead to have the people we care about speaking words of encouragement, affirmation, and blessing over our lives.

I know I needed to hear those things. Others were feeling that need, too. (And hasn’t this year made that need starkly apparent?)

The Gift

Instead of spending more on a gift that I wasn’t sure kids would like or that adults needed, our family choose to focus our attention on written words. Words of appreciation, affirmation, and blessing for each parent, aunt, uncle, and cousin.

My family split up the cards and worked on a few each evening after dinner. I didn’t want us to wait till the last minute or feel rushed.

Our notes included characteristics and qualities we were thankful for in the recipients–observation of talents and abilities that we saw in them, as well as reminders of who God says they are and the promises he has for them.

Ann Voskamp reminds me in Unwrapping the Greatest Gift,

Look for the small, broken cracks in the world, in hearts, that would be easy to walk right by – and right there, slip in a little word that grows great courage. Miracles happen whenever we speak words that make souls stronger.

words

What is true here is also true for the people you plan to serve overseas. All mankind is created in God’s image, as relational beings with a God-sized purpose.

The art of speaking words of life is something that can open the doors of homes, hearts to friendship, and minds to believe and receive the love of Christ.

Words to Wash In

Of course, the one who made us and knows us best has a few things to say about the power of our words as well. Take a moment to reflect on his words:

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6

Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Proverbs 25:11

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom. Colossians 3:16

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook…Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 18:4, 21

In case you’re in need your own round of truth-filled affirmations? Take in what God thinks about you, as his son or daughter this Christmas through Who I am in Christ.

Share them liberally with others!

Words: The Gifts that Translate

How will you use your words to uplift and encourage your family, your friends, or the person waiting on you in line today? A card, a text a call?

While you speak life-giving words here today, say a prayer for those you hope to befriend overseas.

Ask that God will prepare their hearts to receive his words of love. Pray for the ability to learn their language well so you can use new words to share the hope that you have (1 Peter 3:15).

Speak life, impart hope, and share love with your words. No matter your zipcode.

 

Rebecca Skinner is an MK and adult TCK from Central and South America. Don’t miss her post, We Were Missionary Kids. Here’s What My Parents Did Right and Top Missions Podcasts of 2020!

Fun fact: Rebecca and her husband were one of the first couples to met on eharmony.com and get married! This August, they’ll celebrate 18 years of marriage, They have twin boys.

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Top Missions Podcasts of 2020!

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missions podcasts

Recently I described my new favorite morning routine while I set the kids up for virtual schooling. Once things hit an even keel, I tackle last night’s dishes and take in one of my fave missions podcasts.

Let’s face it: The world of missions is vast and full of diverse opinions and ideas. Thankfully, here’s no singular method to show the world the Savior we love.

Strategies vary from

  • traditional missions to business models
  • church-sending to agency-sending
  • church planting movements to discipleship making movements
  • Bible studies to Bible storing
  • large evangelistic meetings to art and drama on city streets
  • face-to-face discipleship to virtual discipleship streaming into hard places
  • written Bible translations to sign language and audio translations

God is moving. The Holy Spirit is depositing faith and stirring up gifts, equipping the Body of Christ for the task at hand: Sharing the good news of Jesus with the 7,400 people groups who still have no access to Christian material, teaching, or people. (See our posts on Missions Trends to Help You Work Smarter! And Check out Joshua Project or Traveling Team for more compelling stats.)

One of the best ways I have found to keep pace with God, staying informed and equipped? Listening to a variety of mission podcasts.

There’s a wealth of information that I otherwise wouldn’t have access to in my community, Plus it’s totally free (no conference fee) to listen to some of the world’s leading missiologists!

Missions podcasts help me stay in the conversation with the rest of the Body of Christ so we can all more efficiently and lovingly give the hope so many are longing for.

Missions Podcasts: My “Continuing Education” Hours

My daily missions podcast routine introduces me to terminology and ideas I didn’t even know were being used in the mission world. They make me aware of the wide variety of opportunities and possible uses for my training, life experiences and spiritual gifts. I’m introduced to mission organizations, people and resources that have helped move me along on my missions’ journey by encouraging me.

They’re educating and equipping me for my unique role in people from every nation, tribe and tongue being reconciled to their Creator.

If you’re like me, the idea of adding in another “to-do” to my already busy day doesn’t have much appeal. So layer in listening with something else that you are already doing, making the time you spend more fruitful for the Kingdom of God.

 

missions podcasts

Maybe a formerly mundane time in your daily schedule could be something you look forward to! Getting ready in the morning, say–or during your commute, workout, lunch break, or meal prep.

To make it even easier to jump into missions podcasts, I’ve compiled a list. Below, grab the top mission podcasts streaming in 2020 along with a handful of their most listened to episodes.

Subscribe to your favorites and you’ll always have something to challenge, strengthen, and encourage your heart and mind and keep you moving forward on your journey in cross-cultural ministry.

missions podcasts

Are you a current subscriber who wants the new freebie?

Zip us an email with your email address and we’ll send it right out.

Rebecca Skinner is an MK and adult TCK from Central and South America. Don’t miss her post, We Were Missionary Kids. Here’s What My Parents Did Right.

Fun fact: Rebecca and her husband were one of the first couples to met on eharmony.com and get married! This August, they’ll celebrate 18 years of marriage, They have twin boys.

The Perspectives on the World Christian Movement turned Rebecca’s world on its head! She desires to see local churches strategically collaborate to take the good news of Jesus to every people, tribe, and tongue. 

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Tools for Your Trip: Go. Serve. Love’s page of freebies to suit you up for overseas

Creative Celebration: Why It Matters Overseas

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celebration

Editor’s note: When you’re far from home, celebrations can both intensify and improve that “fish out of water” feeling. Celebrating Thanksgiving overseas might make it feel more like home, richer in the new faces around the table. 

(It can also make you feel a little homesick.)

Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine. And God associates himself with parties and feasting through all of Scripture. He establishes seven feasts for his people to celebrate and rest in throughout the year. In Deuteronomy 14:23, his people are told to eat their tithes of wine and grain before him. In Isaiah 25, he anticipates the feast and celebration he’ll prepare for his people.

And in Revelation, the Bible closes with his own wedding.

It’s safe to say celebrations are a big part of God’s heart. And we are his partyin’ people.

We’re happy to welcome back All Nations’ Peggy Spiers today as she reflects on celebrations that doubled as game-changers for some missionaries.

The First Birthday Celebration

Imagine you’re a new missionary couple. Your first child’s about to celebrate his first birthday. You’re learning the language, figuring out how to do life in this new place. You’re far from friends and family.

You get the picture, right?

Then dear friends, Pat and Jane, show up from home with a favorite cake mix, frosting, candles, balloons, party hats.

This party was not really for the one-year old, was it? It was for his parents.

And they’re still talking about it 25 years later.

The Star Wars Celebration

Now, imagine an international pandemic. (Not that hard, is it?)

People are required stay at home for months at a time. Normal work and travel are restricted. International travel is all but impossible.

But, after several months, a young couple finds an open window. They travel to the other side of the world to visit missionary friends. They bring two young daughters and suitcases stuffed with everything you’d need to throw a Star Wars birthday party for a missionary family of five.

Everyone, even the baby, gets a Star Wars t-shirt. They bake cupcakes together. Everyone gets presents from loved ones. Much more than five birthdays were celebrated on that trip!

The Thanksgiving Celebration

One Thanksgiving a young couple teaching in China was missing home. They were not going to be able to be with family, find a turkey or pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving wasn’t even a day off!

Someone from their agency’s home office showed up to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. They ate at an Indian restaurant. Nobody missed the turkey or pumpkin pie that day. But what a celebration!

The Housewarming

A young couple got their first new apartment in their new homeland. They were starting from scratch
without family and friends to help.

Back in their passport nation, a sending church decided to host a virtual housewarming party for them. Everyone put money in an envelope.

On the outside of the envelope they wrote a word or taped a picture of what they would have given if they were there in person. Some chose practical items like towels or something for the kitchen. Others chose to give a house plant or vase. Someone even joked and gave a pony!

At the housewarming party via Skype, a group gathered in Florida with all the typical party foods. In the midst of all the partying, the gifts (that is, the envelopes) were opened one by one. Those gathered got a tour of the new apartment and the “grandmother” of the sending church offered a blessing. What an unforgettable celebration!

The Expanding Thanksgiving Celebration

Ken and Sharon always hosted the family Thanksgiving dinner at their home. Several years ago they
invited the international students in their English conversation class. They went from a table of 7 to 17 that year. Wow!

Not only did the students have a wonderful day, but Grandma, the grandkids and the dog all had fun, too! It has become a new tradition for this family. And every year they set the table for more and
more people.

celebration

Celebration: Why It Matters

Celebrations are a great way for us to show our love for others by choosing to be with them on “their
day” or treating them to a special meal or activity.

Celebrations are a great way to remember what God has done for us by doing something for someone else.

Let’s ask God for creative, generous ways to celebrate more–as well as how to include our friends serving overseas and our international friends living far from their homelands.

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How to Say, “Hey, Kids. We’re Moving Overseas”

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kids moving

Editor’s note: When God begins to pull your hearts in an overseas direction, that potential decision is inevitably a life-shifting chapter of your kids’ calling and story, too.

We’re pulling this post from the vault to help you navigate.

“When Should We Tell Them?”

I’d say–and most sites agree–as soon as possible.

Your goal? Well-adjusted kids with ownership in your decision, and who can eventually follow God courageously in their own life decisions.

If your kids keep secrets as well as mine did didn’t, it can be hard to discern (“What if they tell people in Sunday School and our cover is blown? We’re not ready to tell the whole church”).

But even before you tell-them-tell-them, you can start planting seeds in your kids’ heads.

The more kids feel “brought along” in the process, being able to ask their questions, process, understand how and why you’re thinking this way, the less they’re likely to feel excluded and out of control.

This can start small.

“What if?”

Take advantage of times when a conversation at the dinner table turns to events around the world, or your church service brings up missions. (Or get a little sneakier, and bring up age-appropriate world events yourself.) You could ask questions like,

  • “Do you think you could ever live overseas?”
  • “Do you think we could ever be missionaries?”
  • “What do you think it would be like to be missionaries?”
  • “Why do you think it’s important for people to be missionaries?”
When praying at bedtime, talk about how your heart hurts for people who don’t know Jesus.
Purchase a scratch-off map of the world, download the Operation World app (my kids love pushing the “I’m praying” button in the app).

Let kids choose a country each night, and perhaps look up a few facts or pictures about those countries. Eventually, start to talk more about how many people in your future host country don’t know Jesus, and the specific needs.

Show them pictures.

Look up videos and photos, and read kids stories and blog posts (missionary stories work, though realize many are told to demonstrate missionaries’ sacrifice–and kids may get the idea you’ll be in a mud hut with no other kids around and asked to die for Jesus. Use discernment, m-kay?). See if missionaries you’ll be with can send a video or photo of their child and their house.

Get fictional.

This may sound weird–but after my husband and I returned from our vision trip to Africa, I started telling my kids about a pair of fictional siblings. They will always remember “Shiloh and Summer stories I told as we drove somewhere.

These kids just happened to be my kids; age–and just happened to be moving to Uganda. (This site suggests using toys–perhaps a plane and some dolls?–to tell younger kids.)

Without overselling it, get excited about a new “adventure.”

I talked about how the kids had to go through airport security, had to sleep under a muggy mosquito net but were thankful they wouldn’t get sick, and realized people around them looked at lot different now, but were mostly really nice.

These fictional characters missed grandparents, and yet made new friends. They counted down the dates till Grandma and Grandpa came to visit, when the kids got to be the hosts.

Get honest.

Kids can have an uncanny “you’re not for real” radar. Let them know they can trust you–that there will be no spin on the truth when they want to know how things really are. That’s not to avoid optimism, but let kids no that no questions or answers are out of bounds.

kids moving

Bring Older Kids (especially teens and tweens) along on the vision trip–and into as many conversations as you can.

A friend was overwhelmingly glad she made this decision.

Older kids are rightfully growing more independent–and are more likely to feel the threats of moving. They can keep secrets, generally.

So as you wade through this, show them the respect of communicating openly about the pros and cons; the questions you’re asking.

Demonstrate how you make godly decisions. Ask your child’s opinion, as long as they understand you’re the one with veto power. Hear their hearts. Shepherd them through their hearts’ most profound questions without resorting to spiritual platitudes.

Don’t let them feel written off. Help them feel like a valuable member of your team–and that if God’s calling you, he’s calling them, too.

Give them a head start on language.

They’ll have relationships to establish, too. Help eliminate some of the weirdness by getting them a tutor, an app, a class.

Let them know what will stay the same.

Kids, having no framework of life overseas, might envision leaving everything.

  • Start a running “wish list” of items they’d like to pack with them, helping them feel they have some sense of control (though you’ve got list veto power).
  • When you tell them they can’t, in fact, bring their bike or your minivan, let them know they’ll probably get to help you find a new one in your new country.
  • Don’t forget items that simply help your child feel at home: their special plate, a poster from their wall, etc.
  • And try to make establishing kids’ rooms a priority once you move, to help them feel like it’s home.kids moving

Help Kids develop a vision for life there.

Try to make it as long-term as possible. (“We’re going on a plane and watching movies!” isn’t much consolation when your child is missing his old home and tired of mosquito bites and power outages.)

  • Could they play soccer in your new country, too?
  • Will the weather be nice year-round?
  • Will there likely be a big yard, or a park nearby?
  • Is there a food they’ll get to try that you loved?
  • Will there be a beach nearby?
  • Are there cool animals in your host country?
  • Will your child probably get to go on safari?
  • Is there a great tree to climb at a new friend’s house?
  • As you get to know what other kids might live in your country-to-be, see if one might become a penpal. Tell your kids what those kids like (Legos! Books! Barbies! Sports!), and help them get a little excited. Maybe you could even pick out a small toy (Legos are light and often expensive overseas)  to send or bring with you as a gift.
  • Are you thinking you might be able to get a pet?

Grieve with Your Kids.

Don’t gloss over mourning by just propelling your kids forward. Sit with them and cry a little about leaving cousins, grandparents, and the friends they have here.

  • Make real plans about your first Skype appointment with a friend overseas.
  • Make a network of kids who will pray with your child.
  • Perhaps get some parents in cahoots with you to send a letter (or a series of penpal letters) or small care package to greet you upon arrival, or cards to stick in your child’s suitcase as a surprise.
  • Consider establishing an email account under your supervision for your kids, where they know they will get “for kids only” emails from back home.
  • When kids complete hard parts of the journey–like saying goodbye to a friend–create “white space” in your (no doubt packed) schedule for emotional needs, too. I admit to distracting my kids a bit during our massive garage sale by letting them have a lemonade stand.
  • Have reasonable expectations in your own mind. You might hear that six months after is often the low point when you move. Expect that your first year will be tough, and frought with a lot of highs and lows. (Duh, right?)
  • Don’t miss this post on The Art of Saying Goodbye.

Make a photo album. Get an app.

Ask friends to contribute photos; save Christmas photo cards. Download Marco Polo or another strategic way to connect with friends. (Just remember you will likely no longer live in the land of free wi-fi.)

Make the discussion ongoing.

As you progress through your journey, continue to ask questions about how kids are feeling, what questions they have, what they’re scared or excited about, etc.

Consider recruiting family friends to take your kids out individually and ask questions/listen to them talk, in order to give kids other arenas in which to discuss their feelings and thoughts.

Remember most kids are super-resilient.

With the exception of preteens and teenagers (at least one missions org has been rumored not let you move with kids around this age), my kids were bouncing around Uganda in about two minutes. (Their parents took considerably longer.)

In general, remember kids are taking their cues from you.

If it’s home to you and you’re there, kids will feel like home. If you’re willing to try new things (roasted grasshoppers. Boom), they might, too. (Don’t miss 8 Ways to Help your Family Flourish Overseas!)

That doesn’t mean you slap on a happy face. We can talk with kids age-appropriately about times we feel sad or afraid. But in general, where your family is together will eventually be home sweet home.

What would you suggest for preparing kids for the big move? comment below!

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and senior editor for Go. Serve. Love. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International.

Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills for Work-in-Progress Families (Harvest House) releases in October 2021. You can find her—“The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.

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